Getting Back in the Saddle | Divorce Direction
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Getting Back in the Saddle

Divorce Direction Nancy Katsof Getting Back in the Saddle

Getting Back in the Saddle

Getting Back in the Saddle

So the papers are signed are the divorce is final… now what?  For many of us, the “now what” has to do with getting back out there in the world of dating and along with that – sex!  Yup admit it, you’re thinking about it.

You may be the one who wanted out of your marriage and you’re anxious to get out there and get busy. Or maybe you are still recovering from your post divorce wounds and even the idea of being intimate with someone else is beyond comprehension.

Either way, whether or not you want to think about it yet or can’t wait to get out there, the chances are it will happen again, and possibly sooner than you think.

First and foremost, when that time rolls around, practice SAFE SEX.  I cannot stress this enough.  We preach this to our children but you would be completely amazed how many middle agers suddenly become oblivious to the potential risks.  After a certain age, we may not need to worry about unwanted pregnancies, but STIs don’t really care how old you or your reproductive system are.  I recently read an article that says that over 55% of single middle aged men and women were “not very concerned” or “not at all concerned” about contracting an STI.  Don’t let the heat of the moment turn into an irresponsible night of passion that you may later regret, because it literally stays with you for the rest of your life!

Ok now that we got the safe sex chat out of the way, we can move on.  When you’re ready (and nobody else can tell you when that should be), feel free to get back out there and explore who you are sexually, what you’re looking for in a sexual partner, and learn about what makes you feel good.

Years of marriage may have led to patterns of repetition and lack of experimentation.  Take this opportunity to break that cycle.  I’m not suggesting that you be irresponsible but that’s why there are so many different flavours of ice cream, as they say.

Some people may simply want to let their hair down and explore but not get into any serious commitments.  And that’s okay as long as your intentions are clear to the other person and you’re both on the same page.

Others may be looking for that next relationship and someone to fill a void in their life.  But be careful to take the time you need before jumping into another relationship.  And more importantly, don’t use an intimate relationship as a cure for loneliness.  It’s not the best cure and may end up leaving you lonelier than before.

Most importantly, get out there when you’re ready and go for it.  You may be chomping at the bit or terrified to take the leap. Allow yourself to love again, and to be loved, in whatever form is healthy for you.  Explore, flirt, play and enjoy feeling sexy again – you deserve it.

Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway. - John Wayne